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Thread: The truth about (American) liberals

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    The truth about (American) liberals

    For those of you who slept through World History 101 here is
    a condensed version:

    Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

    The two most important events in all of history
    were:
    1. The invention of beer, and
    2. The invention of the wheel. (The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer to the man.)

    These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the
    splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

    1. Liberals
    2. Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

    Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

    Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

    Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled
    water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.

    Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, firemen, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, Sailors, Soldiers,
    Airmen, (outdoor writers,) and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the
    production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

    Here ends today's lesson in world history.

    (It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before
    forwarding it. A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to more liberals...just to piss them off.)

  2. #2
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    Re: The truth about (American) liberals

    Pete

    Thanks for the information but I must point out that World history if its taught in the US is bias or incomplete.

    For example did they teach you why the White House is White?

    It was because it was burned by an opposing force (made up of Canadian and British) during the war of 1812.

    Quite embassing for the US and strangely omitted from my childrens World/US history classes.

    I wonder were liberals in power at the time.

    John

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    Re: The truth about (American) liberals

    Quote Originally Posted by jkaterenchuk  View Original Post
    Pete

    Thanks for the information but I must point out that World history if its taught in the US is bias or incomplete.

    For example did they teach you why the White House is White?

    It was because it was burned by an opposing force (made up of Canadian and British) during the war of 1812.

    Quite embassing for the US and strangely omitted from my childrens World/US history classes.

    I wonder were liberals in power at the time.

    John
    John: I guess you must be a liberal!

    I would like to imagine that you realize this is simply internet humor and should be taken and enjoyed as such...

    My advice would be to try and relax. Have some beer.

    Best regards, Peter

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    Re: The truth about (American) liberals

    Yep, interesting for a country founded by European liberals... :D

    Still, I never trust anyone that eats a steak that isn't haemhorraging on the plate...

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    Re: The truth about (American) liberals

    Quote Originally Posted by jkaterenchuk  View Original Post
    Pete

    Thanks for the information but I must point out that World history if its taught in the US is bias or incomplete.

    For example did they teach you why the White House is White?

    It was because it was burned by an opposing force (made up of Canadian and British) during the war of 1812.

    Quite embassing for the US and strangely omitted from my childrens World/US history classes.

    I wonder were liberals in power at the time.

    John
    Well, when I went through school, before it was the bastion of liberal thought and influence that it is today :p, we were taught about the burning of the White House. We were also taught that the legend of it being painted white after the event was just that, legend, as it was white prior to its destruction.

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    Re: The truth about (American) liberals

    Im sure it has been said many a time before, but American "beer" is awful. Now liberal British beer...

    That said, I am quite sure native Americans did not drink beer when they were hunting for meat.

  7. #7
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    Re: The truth about (American) liberals

    Quote Originally Posted by Peter Piemonte  View Original Post
    John: I guess you must be a liberal!

    I would like to imagine that you realize this is simply internet humor and should be taken and enjoyed as such...

    My advice would be to try and relax. Have some beer.

    Best regards, Peter
    It was taken as such and the reply was meant as such.

    All in good humour. I was expecting a smart ass reply to my post not such a serious scolding.

    Hope that clears up the intention.

    Thanks for the Rx but I am at such a high level or relaxation now if i relaxed more I might be confused as dead.

    John

  8. #8
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    Re: The truth about (American) liberals

    Quote Originally Posted by Peter Piemonte  View Original Post
    John: I guess you must be a liberal!
    Nope, just a Canadian enjoying the lower tax structure of living in the USA.

    John

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    Re: The truth about (American) liberals

    Quote Originally Posted by satansma  View Original Post
    Im sure it has been said many a time before, but American "beer" is awful. Now liberal British beer...

    That said, I am quite sure native Americans did not drink beer when they were hunting for meat.
    Watch yersel, liberal Scottish beer (considering half the founding fathers were from god's own country) really is the true brew... Red Macgregor, Dark Island, Fraoch, Deuchars IPA or chicken tikka masala washed down with copious amounts of Tenants draught piss.

  10. #10
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    Re: The truth about (American) liberals

    I live in Glasgow, i drink Tennents most days. Actually of to T in the Park this weekend!

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